On the Power of Sisterhood & a Mother's Legacy // with Amy & Nancy Harrington

Carmelita Tiu:
00:00:03

Welcome to know them. Be them, raise them a show to help busy, mindful growth oriented moms stay informed and inspired, especially as they're navigating their daughters tween and teen years. I'm Carmelita too, an unapologetic multihyphenate. I'm a mom of two girls, a wife, a certified life coach focusing on holistic personal development for multi-passionate impact driven women. Also an attorney for creatives and a podcast host. So my guests today are sisters, Amy and Nancy Harrington. They founded the Passionistas Project out of a deep desire to empower women around the world. Both walked away from high profile jobs in Hollywood to work together. Amy was the vice president of post production and visual effects for feature films at Warner Brothers. So she worked on movies like the Harry Potter series, The Matrix, and Batman franchises. And then Nancy left the ad agency world where she created Academy Award winning campaigns for Miramax. Now Amy and Nancy shine a light on the positive stories of self identified women and non binary people through their media company. They have conducted over 1600 interviews, including red carpet events and more than 65 one on one oral histories for the Television Academy Foundation with pop culture icons like Julia Louis Dreyfus, Rita Moreno, Lily Tomlin, Laverne Cox, Carol Burnett, and many others. They've also produced interviews for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, including a sit down with Mick Jagger. Who I happen to share a birthday with, not the year, but the day. They were also handpicked by OWN the Oprah Winfrey network to be part of the VIP digital press core covering Oprah's life class during Oprah's tour of the U S in Toronto. So clearly these women are media rock stars. They decided to found the Passionistas Project in 2018 and through their podcast, Online Sisterhood and Power of Passionistas Summit. They strive to inspire women to follow their passions and join forces in the fight for equality for all. All right. So that is who my guests today are. One of the things that really struck me about the two of them is how well they get along. Clearly, they grew up together and run the Passionistas project together. But as you'll hear, they're, they're really close and you can tell that they have such love for each other. And not only that, they credit their mom with being such a source of inspiration and love and they speak about her with such reverence. Part of the reason that I enjoyed our conversation so much is it was a good reminder to me of the potential lasting impacts of how we show up for our kids and how that can also impact how they show up for each other. I think I'm guilty sometimes of getting so caught up in the tasks at hand that I don't really stop to think about, well, in 20, 30, 40 years, what's the vision? What's one of these hopes that I have for the two of them? And what are the hopes that I have for our relationship when I'm in my, uh, Eighties, seventies, and they're, you know, fully grown adults, potentially with families of their own. Amy and Nancy are a reminder of what's possible in the best of ways, between mothers, daughters, and siblings. So without further ado, here's our conversation. amy and Nancy, welcome. I'm so thrilled to have you here as guests on Know Them, Be Them, Raise Them. Before I dive any further, I'd love to turn the, the mic, if you will, over to both of you to tell the listeners a little bit about yourselves, and then we'll kind of go from there.

Nancy Harrington:
00:04:02

So, uh, Amy and I are sisters. We finish each other's sentences and share a brain as we like to say. and we have such a strong bond as sisters that we want to offer that connection to the women in our community. We've started the Passionistas Project about, six or seven years ago, and we've built an inclusive sisterhood where women can come together. And get support and feel empowered to transform their lives. So we focus on the three pillars of business development, personal growth and social impact. And we have classes and resources and networking opportunities and fun parties. And we have a podcast network and Passionista's TV. So we have all sorts of things, but it's all about sharing our sisterhood with everybody because it's such an unbreakable and beautiful bond.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:04:52

So, for a little backstory, Amy, Nancy, and I are all part of a group of women, a mastermind, if you will, really for honing in on upleveling the things that we're passionate about. And as soon as I met Amy and Nancy, I really admired the drive and passion and purpose that they had and we got to talking about what each of us were doing. They found out that I had a podcast aimed at moms of girls and they shared in such a beautiful way about their mother's impact on them and it just reminded me of, uh, moms and daughters and the importance of that relationship. And so I thought it made a lot of sense to bring you both here to take a step back and speak with adult women to remind us of the various ways we may not even know that as moms we're impacting our kids. So, my next question for you is, what was your mother's legacy for you?

Amy Harrington:
00:05:49

Well, we had the best mom in the world, her name was Betty, Betty Sacco, she became Betty Harrington, and had five kids, there are five of us all together, we are the two youngest of five, we have an older sister who's a filmmaker named Beth, our sister Lisa is a crochet artist. Our brother is, uh, was a musician and now is a bankruptcy attorney who has had a case in front of the Supreme Court. And then Nancy and I are out there doing our thing. So, the most important thing our mother ever taught us was your brother and your sisters are your best friends in the world. And no matter what happens, You have each other and we've been through a lot together and inevitably we're all there for each other every single time. So that is her true legacy. And, and besides that, she was just a very kind person. Both our mother and father were, creative. They met in art school. Our dad had an advertising agency and our mother studied to be an art teacher. So we grew up in a household where. We were surrounded by music and television and movies and art and could use our dad's expensive art supplies to doodle and never were told anything. else but follow your passions, you know, trust in yourself to do the creative things you want to do. There was never any hesitation like, Oh, you're Nancy's going to open her own graphic design business. Oh yeah, of course you open your own business. That's what you do. Or I'm going to move to California from Braintree, Massachusetts, and I'm going to get into the film industry. And as much as they didn't want me to go, it was never like, you're never going to get a job. It was like, okay. You know, we'll miss you but you can do it. So we just were really, really lucky that our passions were supported and encouraged from the minute we were born, and we were born into a group of five best friends who have been by our side, our entire lives.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:07:58

Out of curiosity, when you mentioned this messaging about Being told that you are your each other's best friend. How did that feel in moments where maybe you were arguing? Because I would love to say that to my daughters, but I could also imagine, it not resonating at certain points when they're arguing or bickering.

Nancy Harrington:
00:08:19

I think what makes us unusual, even more so is that We didn't argue that much. You know, I think my brother and I probably butted heads most because we were really close in age, and, you know, I was his first little sister so he could be bratty with me. But, Amy and I hardly ever argue even as adults. the only time we really get into fights is when we're traveling and we're hangry. But, you know, when she said it, it was usually when, maybe we were, you know, You know, cranky and fighting over crayons or something, but it always resonated it whenever our mother spoke to us, she had this way about her that made us stop and think, Oh, she's right. Even if we didn't want to hear it. We're like, You know, she just had that way about her and we used to say she gave us the evil eye. Like if we were doing something she didn't approve of, she didn't really have to say anything to us. She just gave us a look and we were like, Oh, okay, mom, I'll stop.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:09:23

That totally resonates. My mom was the same way. She had this glance. And when we saw the glance, we knew to stop what we're doing. Something was off. This does not jive with mom. So, I totally get that.

Amy Harrington:
00:09:38

I also think she was good at helping us find, like if we were bickering or if we were Mad at each other for some stupid reason like she helped us find the thing that brought us back together you know whether that was like baking chocolate chip cookies or Watching a TV show together or going to the mall and walking around like she found some way to shift the energy and Have us find a way to have fun together again.

Nancy Harrington:
00:10:08

How did she get us to do, remember the time we put the line of tape down the middle of the room, Brady Bunch style? Although our door was on one side, so we had to make like a corridor to get to it. How did she get us, how did she get us to get past that? Do you remember?

Amy Harrington:
00:10:25

I don't, I, I think she either just ignored it knowing that like, that we'd get over, we would be fine, or she probably came in and was like, take that, just take that down, what are you doing? She kind of indulged our stupid moments and knew we would figure it out. They trusted us a lot to figure it out, not in a way that was like, I don't care, you guys do it, but more just like, they trusted that we were smart, and that they had raised good people, and so they let us kind of, when we did dumb things, I feel like they kind of let us find our way, cause they knew that we would.

Nancy Harrington:
00:11:07

She

Amy Harrington:
00:11:07

was

Nancy Harrington:
00:11:07

also extremely even keeled. Extremely like, I can probably think of maybe five times in her life where she got rattled more upset. She really was just like, Everything's fine. If you broke something, it wasn't screaming and mad. It was like, it's just a thing. She'd clean it up, move on, you know, like she was so keeled.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:11:33

I can see how that would make a huge difference too, where if you don't get rattled easily, then the environment just feels safer. You can do things, things can happen, life happens. And as a child, not feeling as if it has this domino effect on your parents. I could see how, you know, that really went a long way to

Amy Harrington:
00:11:54

I also think our dad was the exact opposite. Our dad was, dad was the, like, emotional, like, where's my metal ruler? Like, it would totally, like, throw off his whole day. And our mother, no matter how, like, nutty he got, or emotional he got, she loved him unconditionally. And so, His energy wasn't always the greatest thing to like, as to live by example, but seeing how much she loved him, even when he was kind of at his worst, always made you feel like, well, and she would always say to us, there's nothing you can do. her thing was, did you do your best? You know, and as long as you did your best, that was all she cared about. So there was just, there was never a moment in our lives where we felt unloved or that we could do something that would shift that.

Nancy Harrington:
00:12:45

Yeah.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:12:46

Yeah. Okay. For the people that can't see the video or aren't watching, I'm crying now.

Nancy Harrington:
00:12:52

The Harrington wins. See? We told you before we started recording. My favorite story about my mother was I was in high school. I was a really, really, really shy kid. And Around the age of like 13, 14, 15. I, I made this shift that I was not going to be shy anymore. And I was going to tackle the world and I found punk rock music. This was in the seventies. So I found punk rock music and I. Decided I was gonna cut my hair and it was spiky and it was orange. I looked like David Bowie on the cover of Pinups and I was, I wore funky clothes and love it little in this little town in Braintree, this little town south of Boston. And, and you carried a fab box pocketbook. I carried a pocketbook that was made out the fab box that our older sister Beth had gotten us. So all the kids. In high school called me fab woman, which now, when I think about it, I'm like, I need to revive that nickname. It's a great nickname. But back then it was not, it was not an honor. It was, they were teasing me. And so, I had a hard time in high school, but one day I was driving down the street with my mother as a beautiful spring day, our windows were open in the car and this group of kids drove by us in the opposite direction. And they yelled out the window punk rock sucks, which was like the daily taunt for me. And my mother had had enough and she slammed on the brakes and she turned the car around in the middle of the street and followed them. And I, in the meantime, am like under the dashboard, and she followed them home and she followed them into their driveway and she got out of the car and she went over to the car and she started, I couldn't hear everything she was saying, but she was wagging her finger at them and saying things like, You don't know my daughter. She's wonderful and she's kind and she's smart and you don't know anything about her and how dare you say this to her and I, she was my hero. In that moment. Like, as you talk about relating to your daughters in that moment, I was humiliated. I was under the dashboard. I was like, mom, how could you do that to me now at school? It's going to get worse. You know, I was humiliated, but God, she was my hero. Oh,

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:15:09

that is, yeah, that I can, I can feel that in my core, how great that must have felt for, for your mom to stand up for you and advocate for you. And I love how you pointed out that in the moment it was mortifying. Yeah. In retrospect, you realized on a greater scale, what it really means.

Nancy Harrington:
00:15:27

My mom passed way too young, so it's kind of. It's great for us to have these memories of her and everything we do is in her honor, you know, how we live our life.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:15:39

Going back to the idea of being best friends, something that came up as you were talking about that was what's great about telling your kids, even if they don't really recognize it or feel it, but telling them like, no, these are your best friends. Number one, it makes that normal. It makes that the standard. So that they start to show up that way. And, you know, a lot of siblings may or may not get along, but to be told, like, Nope, this is your best friend. How would you treat a best friend? And encouraging them to be that kind of person for their sibling, which isn't something that I necessarily intentionally, uh, speak out like, of course they're your siblings, they're your blood, but on a day to day basis, how do friends show up for each other and often siblings and friends are different. And the other thing that came up with that phrase that I just love, is of course you're going to fight with your siblings. But they're also your friend, so it kind of makes it okay to fight, and it's okay for, for this element of, whether it's conflict, whether it's disagreement, or whether it's loss, that that is also part of a sibling relationship, but because you're friends, you see it through.

Amy Harrington:
00:16:54

yeah. And I also think like there are five of us where we have so much in common, but we're very different people. And of course there are those that whenever Nancy and our sister Lisa, who lives in California with us and I are together, if I have to leave the table, I'm always like, don't talk about me because inevitably like you're going to be like, Oh God, she's driving me crazy today. It's not like we're, we're the Brady bunch, you know, but, um, But it always comes back to, I, I don't have more fun with anybody on the planet. I don't trust, you know, we have wonderful, significant others and, and this is not a negative comment against them, but it's just built into our core. I don't trust anybody more than our family. It makes you make smarter choices about your friends and your relationships, because you don't need other people, you choose the people you want to be around. So like I personally didn't date a lot when I was growing up and I didn't feel that need to like have a boyfriend because I had people who love me. I was getting love and then when I did get a boyfriend it was like, oh, you know, I pick someone that I really enjoy and that I, you know, hopefully my family enjoys. So it just, it just takes this pressure off of like, Oh my God, I feel out there by myself and I got to connect with people. It's like, yeah. Oh, I connected with that person. That's nice. But if I don't, I have this built in system.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:18:28

I think that's a great segue into this idea of sisterhood, which relates to your current endeavor now and the passionistas. It's those supports that allow you to show up more fully in various aspects of your life. You know, Amy, you related that because you felt loved at home, it wasn't as if you were filling a void when looking at potential people to date and partners in life. And I think that that sense of community is partly, I imagine what fueled the Passionistas.

Nancy Harrington:
00:19:01

So, yeah, I mean, Amy and I both had careers in Hollywood and we, we left them at the same time and we started pursuing something together and we ended up in the world of celebrity interviewing, which was fabulous and we loved it. it was really glamorous, really fun, especially to do it together, to talk to Laverne and Shirley at the same time, sitting in Penny Marshall's living room after watching them. We really had some amazing things, but we just wanted to do something more impactful and help people. You know, that's how we were raised was to help people. And, so we started the Passionistas Project just as a podcast. It was really like a side thing. Like, let's just do this to lift women up. And, the podcast is the Passionistas Project Podcast, and we interview women who are following their passions, and we listen to their journey to inspire other people to take that first step and, and follow their passions. And, that escalated and snowballed into a subscription box of women own products and our annual women's equality summit that we bring women from marginalized communities together to discuss issues that are relevant to all of us. And then a year ago, we, somebody told us, you are driving down the road, looking at the map. You don't know where you're going. And so we pulled over to the side of the road and decided to map out our next route. We spent last year, rebranding and really figuring out what the women in our community want and need. And, that's when we hit upon the idea that. What they want is what we have, you know, everyone says to us, I wish I could work with my sister. I could never work with my sister. We'd kill each other. You know, they want that bond, that unwavering loyalty. Somebody, you know, has your back somebody who will be honest, but kind, And so that's when we realized that this needs to be a sisterhood. What we need to do is welcome people into our sisterhood and give them what we have. It's going really well and it's just beautiful to see the women in the community. Someone posted a week or so ago. I'm suffocating. I'm having a hard time doing this. And she just, you know, spewed it out and it was so beautiful and vulnerable and the best part was that people in the community just started lifting her up and sharing their stories and saying they felt the same way and we're here for you and it was just so powerful and it was like the moment we realized, okay, all of this work was amazing. Was the right thing to do. We're on the right track. This is, this is working. This is helping people. And, uh, so yeah, that's what we're doing.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:21:47

I love that. I love it. And, full disclosure, I myself am a member and that's how much I believe in what you're doing is, you know, being a part of this amazing community of support and like you said, feeling like there's people to catch you when you fall or to give you advice when you aren't quite sure where you're going, is just priceless, especially when you have a passion or a dream that you may not have others and in your immediate vicinity and your friends and family or whatnot, that relate. I only know maybe one other podcaster in person. Everyone else is online. So for you to offer this space where, hey, whatever you're passionate about, whatever you need, we've got it is, uh, is really a wonderful thing.

Amy Harrington:
00:22:34

Thank you. Yeah. I mean, one of the great things about the podcast is that we've met so many amazing women and we always have whoever we interview nominate somebody else. So it's been this spider web. So we know like wheat farmers and, um, sculptors who melt down nuclear weapons to make their sculptures. And like, we've met these women that, you know, women who own ice cream company. Um, we've met this like widest range of people. So now we're at the point where someone says like, I need to find blah, blah, blah. And we're like, Oh, we know, uh, you know, Korean grocer who lives in Memphis. You know, it's like we can find, we have this weird, like network. And if we don't, we can pretty much. Ask people. So when people come to the sisterhood, the first thing we do is when someone introduces themselves or even just signs up, we DM them and we say, you know what, you need to meet this person. And we connect them with somebody because we, we want everybody to know each other and support each other. And ultimately this isn't about us and our sisterhood. It's about this Pre, you know, shared sisterhood and sisters can be chosen. You don't have to be born to be sisters and we've witnessed it with our kind of inner circle of people who have been there with us for a long time. You know, they buy from each other. They cheer each other on. We have a wall of women's wins where you can post, you know, anything good that you feel is worth celebrating with other people, whether that's, there's one woman who had a billboard in Times Square on New Year's Eve, and there's someone, you know, we celebrated taking two weeks off at Christmas. So it doesn't have to be some huge thing. It could be a huge thing, but we want it When one of us wins, we all win. So that's what sisters do too. You know, we let each other cry, we hold each other up, but we also celebrate the wins with each other. So it's, um, it's really beautiful. And it is a network of women that they aren't just walking the straight path to, you know, get through life. They're making choices. And, and the reason that social impact is a big component of it is. One of the things Nancy and I realized about the women in our community is every one of them, if you have a conversation with them at some point in the conversation, says, what can I do for you? How can I help you? And we've been on a lot of networking calls lately, and that's not true of every community or every person. Every woman in our community is like that. So, um, The love is already there and people just have to come and the more they give, the more they'll get.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:25:30

So how can people find you?

Nancy Harrington:
00:25:33

The easiest way is to go to the passionistasproject. com backslash sisterhood. And that'll tell you about the community and give you links to either sign up for the free membership, or if you want to upgrade to the premium membership, but there's no pressure to do that. There's tons of content and interaction in the free level. And the other thing we want everyone to know is that we have scholarship program. So, for anyone who signs up, Cat has graciously done, is anyone who signs up for an annual membership, we gift the scholarship. A annual membership to somebody who can't afford to be in the community. if you really want to sign up for the community, but you just don't have the means there's an application on our website and there's also a way to donate or upgrade your membership so that somebody can be a reciprocal of that. So we're excited about that part of it too.

Carmelita (Cat) Tiu:
00:26:24

Fantastic. So I like to leave the listeners with a parting quote or affirmation if one or both of you has something you'd like to contribute. Feel free to share.

Nancy Harrington:
00:26:37

Um,

Amy Harrington:
00:26:38

I think for me it's just, oh, go ahead.

Nancy Harrington:
00:26:40

No, you go.

Amy Harrington:
00:26:41

You go first. Younger first. I think for me, uh, I think for me it's just you don't have to do it alone, whether it's our sisterhood or another sisterhood. There are people out there that want to support you. In a sisterhood like ours, you can come and you can be yourself and you can tell people things aren't perfect and you can ask for help and we'll be there to give it to you. So you don't, you don't have to do it alone.

Nancy Harrington:
00:27:10

And the quote that's on my mind right now, it's by Pam Brown, an Australian poet, and she says, When sisters stand shoulder to shoulder, who stands a chance against us?

Carmelita Tiu:
00:27:27

I feel like my takeaways from this conversation cover a broader range than usual, but here they are. Number one. Remind your kids that their siblings are their friends. Maybe even best friends. And no matter what happens, you have each other. I know, I hadn't consistently messaged this in such a direct way to my daughters, but I started to say this more after my conversation with Amy and Nancy. I think it's good and healthy. To remind your kids to see their siblings as gifts and as positives as permanent presences in their lives. And it's up to them to grow and an invest in that relationship. Number two. If your kids are arguing. Help them find the things that they have in common or engage them in activities that will bring them together. It might be getting them to do the same activity, like baking cookies or reminding them in the middle of an argument that they both had long days and are tired. And so they need to cut each other, some slack. Find a way to shift the energy. Number three. Model, unconditional love. Loving your partner. Loving your kids. Loving yourself, even at the worst moments. Telling your kids that you love them, even when they're not at their best. All of this conveys to your kids, that you will always be there for them. Focus on the efforts and intent not the outcomes. Did you do your best? That's what's important. Number four. Be a champion of your kid's authentic choices, support their individuality and stand up for them. When Amy related the story of when her mom came to her defense. Following the kids and giving them a piece of her mind. It reminded me of the importance, not just of acceptance, but also advocacy and sometimes coming to your kid's defense. How you show up for them now has lasting impact on who they will become in the future. And number five. Wherever you're at whatever your struggle. Remember that you don't have to do it alone. Seek out groups like The Passionistas to support you. However you need it.

undefined:
00:29:38

To find out more about the passionistas. You can visit the passionistasproject. com or they are on Instagram at the passionistasproject. You can also type in the passionistas on LinkedIn, Facebook YouTube or Google and it will pull up Amy and Nancy and all the good things that they're doing.

Carmelita Tiu:
00:29:58

I appreciate your time. I know that you have choices and how to spend it and what you're listening to when you're doing laundry or commuting and whatnot. If you like the podcast, share with a friend, hit, follow or subscribe. If you're on Instagram, follow @knowberaisethem and check out my website, carmelitatiu.com or knowberaisethem.com if you're interested in more about the podcast or learning about how we might be able to work together. I hope you have an amazing day, week, month even. And here's to strong women. May we know them, may we be them, and may we raise them.