On Reframing Failure, Sports Metaphors & Me Celebrating You // from Carmelita Tiu

[00:00:00] Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: Hi everyone. This is the last episode of know them. Be them, raise them for 2021. I'm your host Carmelita too. And I'm so grateful to everyone who has listened, shared, left a review, et cetera. When I first launched just over three months ago, my goal was to provide content that answered questions that I have and kept me inspired as a mom, the two twin girls, it's been a fun ride so far, and I hope you'll continue to join me in 2022.

[00:00:33] So this last week of the year always prompts, reflection on the past and goal setting for the future, right? It's everywhere. New calendars planners, best of 2021 lists, et cetera. I personally have been putting off thinking about it, opting to spend lots of time being present with family and friends or the holidays.

[00:00:53] But the other day I was in a weird restless Headspace. I felt like I wasn't enough to be honest that I wasn't where I was supposed to be. Not quite sure if it was what was prompting it, but nonetheless, I felt bad because there are a number of marks I haven't been hitting. I'm not finishing out the year strong as they say.

[00:01:14] I haven't exercised consistently for the past several weeks. I'm 110 days into a nine month road trip around the U S with my husband and daughters. And I haven't done any in-depth journaling about it for a long while. My photo posts have been lagging we're over our guests and lodging. Um, I also edit my podcasts at the last minute.

[00:01:36] One of my daughters also struggles with anxiety and I worry about her, whether I'm giving her the right support, whether she's making any progress. And then I worried that my other daughter will feel resentful. I also didn't finish a bi-annual photo book in time for Christmas. I also don't have my website finished and way overdue for my annual physical.

[00:01:58] This list just goes on and on habits I've fallen away from, or that haven't stuck or goals that I haven't yet read. I kept stewing about all my shortcomings until frankly, I got tired of hearing myself say all the ways that I failed. Does that ever happen to you? Am I the only person this happens too, where you hear a story so much, or you tell yourself a story so much that you kind of start to get sick of it.

[00:02:24] In any event, I reached that point and I started to let in some other thoughts about life stuff I've read or seen or listened to that might get me out of this mental. I just kind of let my mind wander a bit. And a few ideas started to resonate, started to stand out. One thing I remembered was something I heard a couple of months ago from Greg McCune author of essentially.

[00:02:51] I'm paraphrasing here, but he noted that when searching for clarity, we should celebrate the big nose. Like identifying the things you don't like, because they bring you closer to the thing you do. Like kind of like breakups, I suppose, a breakup with one person means you've eliminated a contender from the pool of possible candidates, or you try a job and you don't like it.

[00:03:13] Well, that means you're one step closer to finding a job. You do connect with. I remembered liking this idea, basically flipping the script and how we see the information that we gleaned from failures or losses. Second, I thought about the term. I think I saw a post on Instagram that took issue with how often we use sports terminology in life.

[00:03:36] The post disliked, the aggressive competitive I, when you lose framework that a sports metaphor can perpetuate. And as someone who's has a spotty hand eye coordination and. Has been bad at sports since forever as small part of me really kind of wanted to jump on that anti sports bandwagon. But in this messy moment, I found it kind of liberating when I thought about it.

[00:03:59] For one every game takes place over a period of time, right? Several plays, innings matches, et cetera. You can be scoreless in a couple of quarters and still win. And secondly, no one expects a shout out your opponent is expected to score. And even in individual sports, no one expects you to beat your personal record every time you compete.

[00:04:24] So if you apply this to your own life and applying this to my own life, if I look at my fitness track record, as of late, if I define fitness as working out every day for 30 minutes, or even working out for at least 30 minutes a day, four days a week, I do not have a win for the past several weeks. But if I look at how I've evolved over a longer period of time, the course of the past year, I do feel I am arguably winning.

[00:04:53] I've exercised more days than I haven't. And I'm getting to the point where I actually miss being active when I can't, when I can't be, you have setbacks, you have off days, but showing up more often than you used to, that's a win. And the third thing that started to echo in my. Was one of my favorite mantras celebrate progress, not perfection as someone that struggles with wanting things to be perfect.

[00:05:19] I often need to remind myself of this. I've definitely gotten better. My perfectionist tendencies don't appear in every aspect of my life anymore, but in some important areas, recognizing and dealing with my perfectionist tendencies is a daily undertake. So these concepts celebrating the big nose, releasing ourselves from a narrow fixed definition of what winning looks like and celebrating progress over perfection.

[00:05:48] They give us more latitude on how we look at our lives. They allow us small victories. They give us permission to feel compassionate towards ourselves and our perceived failures. So I'm taking these ideas and I'm diving into these last days of the year with an eye towards reflecting. The longer view and progress.

[00:06:09] I encourage you to do that too, because I guarantee if you're listening to this, you're probably the type of person, the type of mom that thinks about the times you forgot to return, someone's call over the thousands of other times you remembered, or you're hitting so many marks in life, but maybe there's one area where you don't feel a hundred percent, whether it's health career not having a creative outlet.

[00:06:34] And that bothers you, or you look at your to-do lists and you tend to only see the things you haven't checked off. It's the quote unquote downside of being growth oriented. I think, you know, you can change and, you know, you can evolve and become better. And sometimes that means we only look at what needs to be done instead of looking at what we've actually accomplished.

[00:06:58] So this is me telling you to take a step back and celebrate yourself. Before you think about what your goals or resolutions are for 2020 to take the time, to count up your victories and acknowledge progress over the past year, no matter how small they may feel, you have made it through another extraordinary 12 months, you've shown resilience and empathy.

[00:07:24] You've learned new things. You've shown up. When you had to you've taken risks. You've kept your cool you've spoken. You've helped boost others, even when you were tired and in need of boosting too, you've juggled so much, your light burns brighter for all you've been through and all you've accomplished.

[00:07:46] You're a beautiful human and a wonderful mom. Remember that? So that's. Remember it takes action to claim something. So by listening, you are already showing you are the kind of mom who shows up for herself and her daughter that's worthy of celebrating. If you liked what you heard, please tell a friend and hit subscribe or follow in your favorite podcast app and leave her a review on apple podcasts or Spotify.

[00:08:15] I'd be super grateful if you're on Instagram, follow at no be raised them for quotes from wise women. Tips and podcast updates and find me on Facebook as well. facebook.com/no be raised them. Thanks again for listening, cheers to you. And the last days of 2021 and a new year full of promise and potential and here's to strong women, may we know them?

[00:08:43] May we be them? And may we raise them?