Breaking the Gender Bias: Top Tips for Moms // by Carmelita Tiu

[00:00:00] Carmelita (Cat) Tiu, Host: 

[00:00:02] welcome to know them. Be them, raise them a show to help moms stand formed and inspired so they can show up for themselves and their daughters the way they want to. I'm your host Carmelita two. Join me each week as I cover a variety of topics, all designed to support, mindful and growth oriented moms of girls, Especially girls in their crucial tween and teen years. If you like what you hear, be sure to subscribe, tell a friend and follow at no be raised them on Instagram and Facebook. 

[00:00:32] So every year on March eight. The world celebrates international women's day. It's a data celebrate the social economic, cultural, and political achievements of women. And it marks a call to action for accelerating gender parody. The theme for 2022 is break the bias. We're encouraged to recognize the ways that bias both conscious and unconscious holds women back and call them out. 

[00:00:59] Now if you're like me, this theme immediately resonated because you already know bias against women and girls exists because you've lived through it. As a woman either you've experienced it directly or you've spent energy preemptively trying to get in front of it. You might have experienced gender bias in smaller, subtle ways when you were growing up, like seeing boys being picked to be the leader more often than girls or hearing comments about boys being better at math or science or sports. Or maybe it's possible. You felt that at work. You might've been dubbed too emotional when the same actions or words for men would probably be seen as impactful and passionate. Or a woman makes a comment in a meeting, and it's only when a male echoes her thoughts that the room seems to actually respond and hear it. 

[00:01:49] Or you witnessed qualified women being passed over for a promotion or recognition? While men continued to rise in the organization. 

[00:01:59] Even if you can't think of any incidents of gender-based bias that you've experienced, it's possible you've adjusted your behaviors to offset or deflect any accusations that you're not as smart, as capable as strong as committed as male colleagues. I remember feeling compelled to respond to emails after normal working hours. 

[00:02:20] And staying at work until the latest possible time before picking up my kids from daycare. Because I was worried that people would think I was somehow less committed. Or productive after having kids. 

[00:02:32] And your daughters will likely bump up against gender bias too. If they haven't already. Like an offhand comment from an older relative who has a stereotypical gender roles ingrained in his or her mind. 

[00:02:44] Or a surprised reaction when your daughter says she likes and is good at math. That -reinforces gender biases in a subtle way. Or, and this is a bit cringey for me to admit, but maybe you remember having some of these biases yourself before you knew better. I can remember when I was maybe 10 years old. 

[00:03:05] Being part of conversations where some friends and I expressed skepticism about having. Female coaches for sports teams in our grade school, even for the girls teams. And yet we didn't stop to question why all the coaches were men. I didn't, I didn't think to question the status quo, gender stereotypes had surreptitiously wormed their way into my head. 

[00:03:28] And I couldn't see women being able to successfully coach sports teams at the time. I think a huge part of it was that I hadn't seen any women coaches. Which underscores why representation is so important. But I digress. While we know gender bias exists and perhaps recognize shades of it in ourselves. 

[00:03:48] I sometimes feel like it's hard to wrap my head around what we can do about it. What are the actionable steps we can take when the problem is systemic and looms so large? So I thought for this week, I would dig a little deeper into gender bias and identify a few tangible things we can do at work and at home to help. 

[00:04:08] Break the bias.

[00:04:10] Before we go any further. It's important to know that we all have biases. It's in our nature. According to a recent psychology today. Article by Mira Brancusi PhD. Having a bias means your brain is functioning properly. It means your brain is just trying to do its best to make sense of the overwhelming amount of information coming at at each day. 

[00:04:31] So we can show ourselves some compassion, acknowledge we're all human each with our own ways of processing information. And be grateful for having a filtering mechanism that keeps us from getting overwhelmed. For me, that also means I can let go of any guilt for being biased. And free up that energy to focus on what can we do about it? 

[00:04:53] So moving on. What is gender bias? Simply put gender bias is the tendency to prefer one gender over another. It occurs when a person receives different treatment based on the person's real or perceived gender identity. Most often gender bias is the act of favoring men and our boys over women and or girls. 

[00:05:17] The most obvious instances of preferential treatment are typically referred to as sexism, which we've all heard of. I had to chose up pretty much everywhere we exist in a social way from professional settings to schools, to the home, to churches, et cetera. 

[00:05:32] The most common gender biases against women include performance reviews bias. So this is when in performance reviews. Men are rated more often on their potential. Whereas women are rated more often on what they already achieved. I wonder if this carries over into assessments too, in high school, college, maybe even grade school, it's something for us to think about and watch for. 

[00:05:55] biases Motherhood bias. This is the bias that assumes women are less committed to their careers and non-family pursuits after they become mothers. This is kind of what I was referring to before, where I think I was overdoing it because I was worried, people would think that I was less committed. 

[00:06:13] Leadership bias. This is when someone believes that only one type of leadership style is truly effective. Specifically a traditionally masculine one. It's the belief, essentially that women aren't really meant to be leaders at the highest level. 

[00:06:27] Another one is benevolent sexism. This is when managers or supervisors make decisions for, instead of with their female employees, like reducing their hours or shifting them to internally facing roles or lower priority projects. Thinking they're doing their female employees a favor when really this can derail their careers and the women had no say in it. 

[00:06:51] And here's a sneaky one for us to mull over. Internalized gender bias. 

[00:06:58] Gender bias or sexism, can become internalized by the people experiencing it. Some women may actually believe that men are smarter or better leaders. Maybe this is where my 10-year old self was when I thought women couldn't make good sports coaches.

[00:07:14] Another way internalized bias can show up is through imposter syndrome, where women start to believe they aren't good enough. While acknowledging imposter syndrome and helping women boost their feelings of confidence is important. We should also recognize that these feelings of inferiority arise after years, even decades of messaging. That is telling us just that, that we are inferior. 

[00:07:38] So if we only focus on fixing women's confidence issues without addressing the powerful messaging and forces that are affecting women's self image, we may inadvertently be perpetuating these biases Subconsciously telling women, if only we were more resilient mentally, if only we were stronger emotionally, we wouldn't feel like imposters. 

[00:08:02] When in fact, the bulk of the problem is the environment and messaging we're steeped in. It's not an inherent flaw within us. It's something wrong with what's outside of us. 

[00:08:12] So now that we know what gender bias is and what it looks like, what are things we can do to counteract it? Well in the workplace, here are four ways. 

[00:08:22] First. Women can be an ally mentor and sponsor for other women. We're all aware of the importance of support that we can get from allies. Equally, if not more important. Is to have mentors who help women improve and develop skills and cultivate their leadership abilities in a safe environment. Sponsors are also super important. 

[00:08:45] Those are people who advocate for women and ensure that women are recognized and promoted in the way that they deserve to be. 

[00:08:52] Number two, seek out skill building opportunities and leadership training. Ask your company, what courses or programs they'll cover that can advance your career? Also many nonprofits offer leadership training to volunteers who are willing to make a commitment in episode 26 with Cynthia Chang 11. She learned advocacy and leadership skills through volunteering with an organization called results. 

[00:09:15] So check that episode out, or look at the show notes. If you're interested in how nonprofits can develop your personal leadership skills.

[00:09:23] Number three, learn to negotiate for salary and benefits. This may include flexibility with your work schedule, et cetera. 

[00:09:30] And this is a place where a mentor can be helpful in crafting the ask. 

[00:09:35] Number four. If you notice patterns at work like women leaving the company after they've had kids. Call this to the attention of your HR department. You could even suggest that an outside party conduct an audit of the corporate policies, the culture, et cetera, to identify paths of improvement. One of my previous guests, Andy Warshaw, she's a gender justice professor and founder of mission propel, provide services like this to help companies understand where and how they can improve. So they're out there and they're needed and they do make a difference. 

[00:10:08] This leads me to, how do we inform and counteract gender bias when it comes to our daughters? Outside of the workplace at home, So I went through dozens of articles, and here are the top seven tips I found. 

[00:10:22] Number one. Encourage girls to voice their opinions and thoughts. Studies have shown that girls start silencing themselves when their confidence begins to drop. Typically in elementary school.

[00:10:32] By nudging them to speak. We forced them to practice, articulating their thoughts and remind them that their opinions matter. 

[00:10:39] Number two. Help girls build resistance to gender bias and its negative impact by working against stereotypes. For example, go out of your way to engage your daughters and sons in tasks and activities that traditionally have been thought of as gender specific. 

[00:10:54] In your family or community. For some people that might mean having your daughter change a tire or tackle house repairs while your son plans out meals for the next week. Or helps format the family vacation photo book, whatever it is, do that kind of crossover to help fight gender stereotypes. 

[00:11:14] Number three, encourage your daughters to take risks. 

[00:11:17] Teach them that failure is fuel for learning. Coddling them and protecting them from mistakes and loss may make them feel incapable of doing certain things. 

[00:11:28] Number four. Call-out when boys make demeaning stereotypes and comments about girls, regardless of whether the boys think they're joking or just teasing. Often. Adults and kids don't know how to intervene when boys make demeaning remarks about girls. And they might fear being written off or ridiculed as being too sensitive or reactionary. 

[00:11:50] But tolerating those behaviors sends girls the message that those behaviors are okay. 

[00:11:55] Number five, promote media literacy by pointing out and discussing common biases against girls in media and culture. 

[00:12:03] Many movies and shows, contain stereotypes. Whether it's a Disney fairytale pre um, maybe 2010 to gossip girl, two reality shows that depict women as shallow materialistic, and maybe not that bright. When talking about these things, Add your own life experience and perspectives and encourage them to question the actual truth of what they're seeing. 

[00:12:27] This will help your kids build a muscle that will help them distinguish between messaging and reality. 

[00:12:37] Number six, share your stories. Number six, share your stories with your kids. Tell them about the time you had to stand up for yourself or someone else. Or the time you experienced gender bias and how that made you feel? Doing so will help them feel more comfortable sharing their stories. And it can also put a face on the issue, especially for boys and men. 

[00:12:58] And help them see the importance and impact of gender equality. 

[00:13:02] Number seven advocate for and create environments, whether at church work school, et cetera, that foster a variety of leadership styles. And promote diverse racial, ethnic, and gender representation. Frame diverse perspectives as just as good as or equal to be historically embraced perspective, which typically is the white male perspective. 

[00:13:28] So these are just the seven things that really stood out to me as doable and high-impact ways. To help your kids understand, minimize the negative impact of, and fight against gender bias. And lastly for everyone, I know I'm throwing a lot at you here, but stick with me. The last tip I have. Is to periodically examine your own biases. A good starting point is to take an assessment online@projectimplicit.net. Project implicit is a nonprofit organization whose mission is to educate the public about bias and to provide a virtual laboratory. For collecting data on the internet. They have 15 different tests. If you can believe it, gaging bias based on race, age, weight, gender, et cetera.

[00:14:14] Every test is quick and feels a little like a game, but the results can have significant impact by revealing areas. We need to improve. And regardless of your results, remember that it's not enough to feel like you aren't biased or that you're not actively discriminating against girls or women. Combating gender biases and inequality requires us to address the structures. 

[00:14:36] Policies and practices that really do contribute. To things like pay gaps and women's stepping back from the workforce. Or our daughter's not feeling comfortable raising their hands and making a mistake in class. Just as, it's not enough to say you, aren't a racist, you have to actively combat systemic racism. 

[00:14:55] It's not enough to say you aren't biased against women. You have to actively combat gender bias and gender inequality. 

[00:15:03] So as women let's celebrate each other and acknowledge how we've each contributed in our own ways to gender equality. By setting boundaries by asking our partners to contribute more with caregiving duties. By talking about stereotypes in the media with our kids. And at the same time, let's also stand together and commit to being aware, speaking out and keeping gender bias on the radar. 

[00:15:27] While we've made strides towards equality. There's still progress to be made. And with our help, that progress will continue and the future will only get brighter for everyone. 

[00:15:41] Remember your showing up for yourself and your daughter by being aware of issues like gender bias, taking steps towards improving yourself and your situation and helping your daughter navigate the world in an informed way. If you liked what you heard, please share with a friend and leave a review on apple podcast or Spotify. 

[00:16:02] Thanks so much for listening. And here's to strong women. May we know them, may we be them? And may we raise them?